Sex does not always bring the proper pleasure. One possible reason: we are embarrassed to talk about it. A few steps will help you open up and share your desires with your partner without undue embarrassment. Sex is not always the perfect complement to each other. Desires change, as does mood. Today you want one thing, tomorrow – another. And mankind still cannot read thoughts. Instead of guessing, talk.
Stop being shy. To talk about sex!
We are embarrassed to talk about sex and our preferences. We are afraid that we will be misunderstood or that we will seem strange. For many, talking about sex is a taboo learned from childhood. For others, sex is very personal and extremely difficult thing to talk about. Therefore, the first thing to do is to start a conversation and drop the shyness. Talking about sex, like having it, is not a shame.
To overcome embarrassment, start the conversation with a little distant things: what a partner liked or didn’t. Don’t be afraid to say “I want”. Also, do not forget about the wishes during sex. It is much easier to speak in the process, because at this moment you do not feel embarrassed, because the brain is absorbed by other things. So start voicing your desires while having sex, and don’t forget about compliments and light discussion afterwards.
Another big mistake is trying to explain what you want in hints. Firstly, only a few people can understand the hints. Secondly, a person can understand a hint in a completely different way. Thirtly, beating around the bush only creates misconceptions. Understand that your partner also enjoys it if you feel good. Sex is not a one-sided game. Therefore, speak directly. If you are afraid to voice your deepest desires, start with short statements: “softer”, “faster”, “slower”.
Think about desires and preferences
There’s a common problem: a person himself does not know what he wants and what he loves. If you are not ready to experiment, then think about which of the classic sets you like. Ask yourself a few questions:
- What kind of foreplay do you like?
- What poses do you prefer?
- Why these particular poses?
- What do you dream about?
- When you think about sex, what positions and caresses do you envision?
More often than not, our brain in dreams, sexual fantasies or erotic dreams gives a clue about our preferences or hidden desires. If you understand exactly what you want, it will be much easier to voice it.
Find out what your partner wants
This is the most straightforward part. You don’t generally need to converse with getting some answers concerning your partner’s inclinations. Watch him during sex. Ofcourse, that doesn’t imply that you need to look with every one of your eyes. Attempt, explore, let your creative mind go crazy and memorize. Start with foreplay, and focus on activities that are generally agreeable. It isn’t so hard to comprehend: by sounds, breathing, body movements and even demands. After sex, recall what you loved the most, what positions your partner likes.
The next step will be a conversation. Ask if he likes this or that, if he likes doing, for example, cunnilingus and if he likes blowjob, and if so, which one. Don’t forget to learn about poses. Further it is worth moving on to fantasies. It may be the time for you to try the simplest sex toys or role-playing games. Or have sex not on your usual bed, but at least in the kitchen, hallway or bathroom.
When to talk about sex
Each conversation has its own place and time. If you voice immediate desires that make the process itself better and bring you closer to the peak of pleasure, like “faster”, “slower”, “softer” and so on, then this should be said during sex. Imagine a situation: you finished and then said you would like it to be softer and slower. First, your partner may be offended that you didn’t say this in the process. Secondly, he will remember and next time he will do as you wanted. But desires can change: yesterday you wanted tenderness, but today you dream of passionate rough sex.
Another thing is the subsequent discussion of what you liked. You can compliment it by saying that you appreciate a certain posture or movement. It doesn’t make sense to talk about this in the process, as it can throw off the rhythm and it turns out that instead of having sex, you discuss it.
The third way is a discussion about deepest cravings and dreams. A fair discussion about sex is comparable to foreplay. This is the principal reason. Second, for the acknowledgment of dreams, arrangement is now and then essential: moral and material. For instance, you choose to attempt pretending with the simplest attributes: blindfolds, binds, or tape-bound wrists. In any case, to begin, you should, first, be ready for the way that you will be helpless before your partner. Second, the essential lace, scarf, or headband may not be in your home. As needs be, it is important to examine beforehand, and not hysterically look for stock during or lament after.
How not to overdo
There are some straightforward principles here. Try not to search for the negative, notice just the great unless you are in pain or uncomfortable. For this situation, you won’t irritate, however maintain a strategic distance from issues. In different cases, examining the negative won’t prompt anything great. Yet, on the off chance that you voice what was acceptable, then in the future it will be far better, in light of the fact that the partner will think about your longings.
Try not to be enticed to talk a lot during sex. Truly, you can manage and recommend. The primary concern isn’t to transform sex into a morning discussion with some espresso and a paper, or to be the instructor of an unpracticed understudy. In the main case, you will talk more than work together. In the second, you will cause your partner to feel awkward, as though he can’t do anything. This will severely influence his confidence.