first time intimacy

First Time Sex In a New Relationship: Hurry Up or Postpone?

Have you started a new relationship? There comes a time when the question of the first sex inevitably arises in a newly born love couple. When it’s possible? How to calculate “day X” and do everything so that the expected intimacy does not become the last one with the partner?

Is There a Specific Date for Intimacy in a New Relationship?

In our modern and diverse world, any scenario of the first time sex in a new relationship is possible: from sex on the first date to intimacy only after the wedding. And the choice not only opens up opportunities but also creates problems because it is not very clear what your partner expects from you. For example, one girl may be outraged that a guy pesters her on a first date. The other will be upset: she will think that he didn’t like her.

But the trick is that there is no universal date when a couple first engages in an intimate process in a new relationship. All this exists only in the human mind. By the way, according to statistics, when it comes to dating and sex, three is the magic number for nearly half of American men. Men (47%) are nearly three times as likely as women (18%) to say that they would want to have sex within the first three dates once they began seeing someone they like.

A lot of people think that sex should be on the third date. It is quite a popular idea but it defines nothing. When should you start having sex in a new relationship? People are different: someone needs to get to know a person well before going to bed, and someone is ready for sexual exploits right away. Some consider only serious relationships, others don’t make them a goal.

In general, let’s figure out how to understand when it’s time to move on to intimacy in a new relationship.

sex in a new relationship

5 Signs That You and Your Partner Are Ready For Sex

When to have sex in a new relationship? Make sure that your significant other appreciates and respects you, and that you are truly dear to him or her. How can you tell if everything is going according to plan?

1. You feel emotional closeness with your loved one

Falling in love takes its toll – under the influence of hormones, you want to touch your partner, feel their hugs, and look. Now think about it, are you ready to touch their soul? Of course, this is a metaphor. How comfortable are you communicating with your beloved one, are you close to their beliefs? In addition to physical attraction, there should be a place for caring and understanding in your relationship. If all this is not there, then it is better to postpone sex until you fix your relationship.

2. It is easy and joyful for you together

This means that in your couple no one plays the role of a victim, there are no omissions. For the two of you, everything is straightforward. Your partner doesn’t set conditions, does not disappear for weeks, and then suddenly appears. You both act like adults who know what they want. You don’t worry about the time for the first sex. Everything happens naturally, and your relationship moves to a new level.

3. You don’t judge your partner’s wishes

The key to being honest is a positive attitude. People find it difficult to talk about sex for fear of being judged. Intimately compatible partners will not shame each other for preferences, no matter how strange they may seem. 

4. You trust each other

How to start sex in a new relationship? Before that, you must understand whether you trust each other. Agreeing to intimacy, a person trusts the chosen one, if not their life, then a piece of their energy. Ask yourself how you feel around a person you love. Relationships should be built on mutual trust from the very beginning. If you notice that your soulmate is not frank enough with you, constantly keeping something back, this is an occasion to think about the seriousness of the partner’s intentions.

5. You can safely talk about sex

Often, partners don’t bother to discuss juicy issues. Therefore, on that very day “X”, they make a lot of mistakes, because of which they can put an end to further relationships. For the intimate “debut” to be successful, it is important to feel as liberated as possible. You need to say all your preferences and sexual fantasies before this intimacy process to your partner. Sex will be perfect only when lovers can confidently talk about the innermost.

How to Talk About Sex In a New Relationship?

Here are some tips on how to better talk about sex in a new relationship:

  • Try to understand and hear each other;
  • Discuss what is important for you;
  • Think ahead about the wording of your thoughts before the dialogue with your partner;
  • Don’t be afraid to talk about your emotions;
  • Ask questions.

Not always the first sex in a new relationship brings pleasure. One of the possible reasons: partners are embarrassed to talk about it. But a preliminary discussion of the first intimate process in a new relationship helps to avoid disappointment, navigate each other’s needs, not violate other people’s boundaries and take care of their own.

How to bring up sex in a new relationship? During a conversation before sex, especially the first one, it is important to discuss how you will communicate in the process. Someone can say right during sex if he or she doesn’t like something, but it could be more difficult for another one. In such cases, you can agree on a non-verbal system of signs and a stop word.


How to discuss sex in a new relationship? You can think about the wording of your thoughts in advance. For example, before the first sex, you can offer: “Let’s discuss what is important to us in sex. What do we like and what exactly doesn’t fit? It often helps to build a conversation on a difficult topic by voicing reasons: “I’m so shy! But I understand that it is better to say than to remain silent.

If in doubt whether you will be understood correctly, just warn about it. Finally, don’t be afraid to ask questions to keep an emotional connection during the conversation.

Final Word

There is no right answer to the question: “How long to wait before having sex in a new relationship?”. Much more important are your feelings, readiness for intimacy, and expectations from the process itself, or rather, the absence of excessive expectations.

Relationships in which partners managed to get to know each other before the first sex are better and stronger. If you feel like you’re not ready, it doesn’t matter if it’s the third date, the eighth date, or the fiftieth date. A terrible reason for sex is to succumb to manipulation, persuasion, and pressure from a partner. But if you are already inflamed with passion on the first date and are sure that after sex you will not be ashamed or unpleasant, that you will not be upset if the relationship ends with him, why not. The main thing is to understand your feelings and desires.

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