How to Tell Her about My Sexual Fantasies?

When it comes to “How to talk about sex with a partner?”, most of us start feeling awkward and nervous. But things are getting more complicated when you feel like sharing your sexual fantasies. People are not used to discussing things like that due to multiple frames and prejudices. When a man and woman are married or date for a few years after meeting on a dating site, it is even more difficult to start a conversation like this.  Luckily, it is never too late, and if you decide to be honest with your woman, then learn how to tell her about your sexual fantasies.

First, remember that everybody has some sexual fantasies, and this is normal. You may be dreaming about sex with a friend, a threesome, or even sex with a stranger. There is nothing bad in fantasies unless they are legal and do not disturb any other people. Discussing your sexual fantasies can become a great way to get closer with your partner, have foreplay, study your body and improve trust.

Why Locking Sexual Fantasies Away Is a Bad Idea?

Do you feel embarrassed about sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner? There is no doubt you shouldn’t. This is a person you respect and trust. Hence, you should feel comfortable discussing your feelings and desires. That’s why you can say everything you want and do not be afraid of judgment.  Sometimes, people decide to keep their desires a secret, and it’s also normal. But if you feel like this silence is destroying you, then you should consider talking with your partner at last.

Steps on How to Tell Her about My Sexual Fantasies

Even realizing your sexual fantasies may be challenging. So it is not surprising that discussing them with someone else, even if it is your partner, may be more difficult. However, these steps will help you cope with your worries and reach your goal.

1.  Remember that having sexual fantasies is not weird

The experts say that the brain is the most erogenous zone, and sex starts actually with the mind and your attitude to the sex. All this results in sexual fantasies. You should consider having any kind of fantasies as something bad or even feel guilty.  It is okay to dream about trying sex toys, tantric sex massage, etc. Think about your fantasies as about something you can’t control. 

2.  State the goal of sharing your fantasies

Thinking about some sort of fantasies doesn’t mean that you actually want to bring them up in life. For example, you like watching bondage porn, but you do not feel like being engaged in such a process. Or, you like thinking about threesome experience; however, you are not ready to see how your partner is touching someone else. Therefore, before sharing your fantasies, you should understand what your purpose is. For example, do you want to have some unusual foreplay, or do you actually want to get a new experience? Only after deciding on this, you can start the conversation.

3.  Explain that there is no pressure

So, you are eventually ready to talk with your partner; go on! Despite the time and place you decide to do this, say that there is no pressure. In other words, while sharing your sexual fantasies, your partner should understand that you will not make her do what she doesn’t want to do. Then, ask what she feels about things that you have revealed. Watch and check whether the woman understood you right. Suggest trying if she doesn’t mind or offer to think about it at least.  

4.  Be ready for any kind of reaction

Speaking about your sexual fantasies can be quite hard because you can’t predict your partner’s reaction. She may be interested, neutral, or down to realizing them. You can think about everything you want during masturbation or sex, but your woman actually is not obliged to be open to your fantasies and participate in their realization. Hence, you should be ready for any kind of reaction to behave adequately.

5.  Consider talking with a therapist before

If you are not sure that your sexual fantasies are not dark, you should first talk with a therapist. Only then it will be cool to discuss the same things with your partner.  An expert will be able to draw a line between “OK” and “Not.” Also, a conversation with a specialist is a great idea if you feel distressing with your own fantasies, and they ruin your life somehow.

Summing – up

Being great sexual partners means understanding the wants, needs, and feelings of each other. Even if your woman is not ready to realize your sexual fantasies, honest conversation about them is a good idea. This way, you will get closer, respects each other more and learn each other better. No matter what the result of your conversation will be, accept it and keep positive!